Dh finally came home about mid-October. It has been a big adjustment. For 15 months I have had only myself to answer to and two kids to nurture. Now after nearly 3 weeks home, we are finally trying to settle into a new routine.
Dad is home - which at times does not work well for the kids. They are not used to having another authority figure in the house. Even though he is the more easy going of the two of us - he at times can lay down the law. I can almost see the thought processes on their faces - well dad said no so lets go ask mom...It is actually kind of amusing.
Husband is home - I am used to picking up and going as I please - trips to Charleston to visit relatives, trips to visit friends, heck running to grocery store without input. However, I guess after 15 months away he is feeling the need to be protective. I has an eye appointment in Raleigh yesterday and for a week I was told I could not go alone. I laughed everytime. Why not? I travelled to Michigan and to South Carolina without him why could I not go two hours up the road alone? Needless to say I had to go alone - but I was on the phone with him a hundred times...Yes I am still okay.
Although there is joy and happiness with your solider coming home....It is also an adjustment period. Taking care of the kids, doing homework, doing chores, driving places have now become a democracy whereas for a year it was a dictatorship. My advice for those who will be in the process of a homecoming - give each other space and try to learn to work together. The last thing a homecoming needs is a fight - no matter who is right.
God Bless!
Thursday, November 8, 2007
Thursday, September 27, 2007
Equal partners
I got to speak to my husband today. I love hearing his voice. We were talking about his upcoming plans with the military. As I was listening, I remembered someone talking about how their marriage as not "50-50." Marriage is a give and take. One person gives while the other takes and vise versa. However, sometimes the give and take is not always equal. Marriage is work. It is not going to simply fall into place and stay stagnant.
When I decided to return to school to earn my degree, my daughter was a year old. My husband carried the load. I was working full-time and going to school full time. My husband, who also worked full-time, became the primary caregiver. He took and picked up our daughter from daycare, he cleaned the house, did laundry (not always very well), cooked dinner and grocery shopped. After about four years, I had earned my degree in education.
Now it was my husband's turn. In 1999, Rick decided he wanted to join the military - a life-long dream of his. However, he was 27 years old. He was unsure of his decision. It was my turn to carry the load. Rick joined the National Guard - went to book camp for four months. He became a weekend warrior - however, he still was not satisfied. Right after 9/11 he joined the Army. We are now a career military family. I take the kids to school, I clean the house, I do the laundry (correctly), I cook dinner and grocery shop.
Marriage is partnership. Sometimes one member benefits from the marriage more than the other. However, as partners in a relationship each member needs to be willing to carry the load. Husband and wife working together with God's help will ensure a successful (though not necessarily smooth) marriage.
When I decided to return to school to earn my degree, my daughter was a year old. My husband carried the load. I was working full-time and going to school full time. My husband, who also worked full-time, became the primary caregiver. He took and picked up our daughter from daycare, he cleaned the house, did laundry (not always very well), cooked dinner and grocery shopped. After about four years, I had earned my degree in education.
Now it was my husband's turn. In 1999, Rick decided he wanted to join the military - a life-long dream of his. However, he was 27 years old. He was unsure of his decision. It was my turn to carry the load. Rick joined the National Guard - went to book camp for four months. He became a weekend warrior - however, he still was not satisfied. Right after 9/11 he joined the Army. We are now a career military family. I take the kids to school, I clean the house, I do the laundry (correctly), I cook dinner and grocery shop.
Marriage is partnership. Sometimes one member benefits from the marriage more than the other. However, as partners in a relationship each member needs to be willing to carry the load. Husband and wife working together with God's help will ensure a successful (though not necessarily smooth) marriage.
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Coming Home
I know it has been forever since I last blogged...but I am running around trying to get our home ready for a Homecoming. I am alternating between excitement and nerves. Obviously, I am happy that dh will be home soon. The last 15 months have been long and draining. However, I am also nervous about how he will be and how I will be once the honeymoon phase of the homecoming is gone.
Though we are on our third deployment, this one has been especially hard for us. The squadron has lost 22 men and had 80 injuries. A third of the squadron has been lost or wounded. These men were soldiers my husband worked with or commanded. In addition, a few have been close friends of his. These losses will be something that dh will have to learn to live with and handle. I however am a caregiver by nature and I want to make things "all better."
After 12 years together, my husband is still number one in my life. I pray to God constantly that dh will return home healthy body, mind and spirit! I also pray for the patience and understanding to be what he needs when he needs it.
The days are numbered (wish I could tell you an exact number) and I am counting them down!
Though we are on our third deployment, this one has been especially hard for us. The squadron has lost 22 men and had 80 injuries. A third of the squadron has been lost or wounded. These men were soldiers my husband worked with or commanded. In addition, a few have been close friends of his. These losses will be something that dh will have to learn to live with and handle. I however am a caregiver by nature and I want to make things "all better."
After 12 years together, my husband is still number one in my life. I pray to God constantly that dh will return home healthy body, mind and spirit! I also pray for the patience and understanding to be what he needs when he needs it.
The days are numbered (wish I could tell you an exact number) and I am counting them down!
Monday, August 27, 2007
Communication
This is my first time using a blog. I am no expert in marriage or relationships - however, I feel that I have a solid and successful marriage due to God, rspect, and communication. I hope my thoughts and feelings can help other wives -especially those married to the military.
One of the strongest qualities of my marriage is communication. Though it has never been an easy road - we can now finish each other's sentences. My husband is on his third deployment. One of the most difficult things I have found is being able to communicate when I want or need to. We send letters, packages, emails, and instant messages. However, sometimes that is not enough.
My goal is to make our marriage strong even during the absences. Sometimes it is hard and I grow frusterated. I want to make sure we still have a connection. Lately, we have been able to talk more frequently than we did in the beginning of the deployment. However, I find myself still frusterated that I cannot reach out and touch him or hold him. I pray to God constantly for my husband's protection and peace of mind.
I know that this too shall end, but in the mean time I continue to communcate and reach out to my husband. With God's grace and will the end will come quickly and we will be together again.
One of the strongest qualities of my marriage is communication. Though it has never been an easy road - we can now finish each other's sentences. My husband is on his third deployment. One of the most difficult things I have found is being able to communicate when I want or need to. We send letters, packages, emails, and instant messages. However, sometimes that is not enough.
My goal is to make our marriage strong even during the absences. Sometimes it is hard and I grow frusterated. I want to make sure we still have a connection. Lately, we have been able to talk more frequently than we did in the beginning of the deployment. However, I find myself still frusterated that I cannot reach out and touch him or hold him. I pray to God constantly for my husband's protection and peace of mind.
I know that this too shall end, but in the mean time I continue to communcate and reach out to my husband. With God's grace and will the end will come quickly and we will be together again.
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